"Girl interrupted" [1999] w/ Angelina Jolie, Wynoma Ryder/ Trailer & quotes

"Crazy isn't being broken or swallowing a dark secret. It's you or me amplified. If you ever told a lie and enjoyed it. If you ever wished you could be a child forever."
— Susanna Kaysen (Girl, Interrupted)

"Scar tissue has no character. It's not like skin. It doesn't show age or illness or pallor or tan. It has no pores, no hair, no wrinkles. It's like a slip cover. It shields and disguises what's beneath. That's why we grow it; we have something to hide. "
— Susanna Kaysen (Girl, Interrupted)

"Suicide is a form of murder - premeditated murder. It isn't something you do the first time you think of doing it. It takes getting used to. And you need the means, the opportunity, the motive. A successful suicide demands good organization and a cool head, both of which are usually incompatible with the suicidal state of mind"
— Susanna Kaysen (Girl, Interrupted)

"Why did she do it? Nobody dared to ask. Because - what courage! Who had the courage to burn herself? Twenty aspirin, a little slit alongside the veins of the arm, maybe even a bad half hour standing on a roof: We've all had those. And somewhat more dangerous things, like putting a gun in your mouth. But you put it there, you taste it, it's cold and greasy, your finger is on the trigger, and you find that a whole world lies between this moment and the moment you've been planning, when you'll pull the trigger. That world defeats you. You put the gun back in the drawer. You'll have to find another way.

What was that moment like for her? The moment she lit the match. Had she already tried roofs and guns and aspirins? Or was it just an inspiration?

I had an inspiration once. I woke up one morning and I knew that today I had to swallow fifty aspirin. It was my task: my job for the day. I lined them up on my desk and took them one by one, counting. But it's not the same as what she did. I could have stopped, at ten, or at thirty. And I could have done what I did do, which was go onto the street and faint. Fifty aspirin is a lot of aspirin, but going onto the street and fainting is like putting the gun back in the drawer.

She lit the match."
— Susanna Kaysen (Girl, Interrupted)

"I think many people kill themselves simply to stop the debate about whether they will or they won't."
— Susanna Kaysen

"Lunatics are similar to designated hitters. Often an entire family is crazy, but since an entire family can't go into the hospital, one person is designated as crazy and goes inside. Then, depending on how the rest of the family is feeling that person is kept inside or snatched out, to prove something about the family's mental health."
— Susanna Kaysen (Girl, Interrupted (Faber and Faber Screenplays) Screenplay based on the book)

"Was insanity just a matter of dropping the act?"
— Susanna Kaysen (Girl, Interrupted)

"With wild eyes that had seen freedom."
— Susanna Kaysen (Girl, Interrupted)

"When you’re sad you need to hear your sorrow structured into sound."
— Susanna Kaysen (Girl, Interrupted)

"Actually, it was only part of myself I wanted to kill: the part that wanted to kill herself, that dragged
me into the suicide debate and made every window, kitchen implement, and subway station a rehearsal
for tragedy."
— Susanna Kaysen

"Whatever we call it - mind, character, soul - we like to think we possess something that is greater than the sum of our neurons and that animates us.
"
— Susanna Kaysen

"If I could have any job in the world I'd be a professional Cinderella."
— Susanna Kaysen

"Don’t ask me those questions! Don’t ask me what life means or how we know reality or why we have to suffer so much. Don’t talk about how nothing feels real, how everything is coated with gelatin and shining like oil in the sun. I don’t want to hear about the tiger in the corner or the Angel of Death or the phone calls from John the Baptist."
— Susanna Kaysen

"It was a spring day, the sort that gives people hope: all soft winds and delicate smells of
warm earth. Suicide weather."
— Susanna Kaysen

"Every window in Alcatraz has a view of San Francisco. "
— Susanna Kaysen (Girl, Interrupted)

"The point is, the brain talks to itself, and by talking to itself changes its perceptions. To make a new version of the not-entirely-false model, imagine the first interpreter as a foreign correspondent, reporting from the world. The world in this case means everything out- or inside our bodies, including serotonin levels in the brain. The second interpreter is a news analyst, who writes op-ed pieces. They read each other's work. One needs data, the other needs an overview; they influence each other. They get dialogues going.

INTERPRETER ONE: Pain in the left foot, back of heel.
INTERPRETER TWO: I believe that's because the shoe is too tight.
INTERPRETER ONE: Checked that. Took off the shoe. Foot still hurts.
INTERPRETER TWO: Did you look at it?
INTERPRETER ONE: Looking. It's red.
INTERPRETER TWO: No blood?
INTERPRETER ONE: Nope.
INTERPRETER TWO: Forget about it.
INTERPRETER ONE: Okay.

Mental illness seems to be a communication problem between interpreters one and two.

An exemplary piece of confusion.

INTERPRETER ONE: There's a tiger in the corner.
INTERPRETER TWO: No, that's not a tiger- that's a bureau.
INTERPRETER ONE: It's a tiger, it's a tiger!
INTERPRETER TWO: Don't be ridiculous. Let's go look at it.

Then all the dendrites and neurons and serotonin levels and interpreters collect themselves and trot over to the corner.
If you are not crazy, the second interpreter's assertion, that this is a bureau, will be acceptable to the first interpreter. If you are crazy, the first interpreter's viewpoint, the tiger theory, will prevail.
The trouble here is that the first interpreter actually sees a tiger. The messages sent between neurons are incorrect somehow. The chemicals triggered are the wrong chemicals, or the impulses are going to the wrong connections. Apparently, this happens often, but the second interpreter jumps in to straighten things out."
— Susanna Kaysen (Girl, Interrupted)

"Was I ever crazy? Maybe. Or maybe life is… Crazy isn’t being broken or swallowing a dark secret. It’s you or me amplified. If you ever told a lie and enjoyed it. If you ever wished you could be a child forever. They were not perfect, but they were my friends."
— Susanna Kaysen (Girl, Interrupted)

"It's a long way from not having enough serotonin to thinking the world is "stale, flat and unprofitable"; even further to writing a play about a man driven by that thought. "
— Susanna Kaysen (Girl, Interrupted)

"My family had a lot of characteristics - achievements, ambitions, talents, expectations - that all seemed to be recessive in me."
— Susanna Kaysen (Girl, Interrupted)

"Viscosity and velocity are opposites, yet they can look the same. Viscosity causes the stillness of
disinclination, velocity causes the stillness of fascination. An observer can't tell if a person is silent and
still because inner life has stalled or because inner life is transfixingly busy."
— Susanna Kaysen

"And in the end, I lost him. I did it on purpose, the way Garance lost
Baptiste in the crowd. I needed to be alone, I felt. I wanted to be going on alone to my future."
— Susanna Kaysen

"Suicide is a form of murder— premeditated murder. It isn’t something you do the first time you think of doing it. It takes some getting used to. And you need the means, the opportunity, the motive. A successful suicide demands good organization and a cool head, both of which are usually incompatible with the suicidal state of mind.

It’s important to cultivate detachment. One way to do this is to practice imagining yourself dead, or in the process of dying. If there’s a window, you must imagine your body falling out the window. If there’s a knife, you must imagine the knife piercing your skin. If there’s a train coming, you must imagine your torso flattened under its wheels. These exercises are necessary to achieving the proper distance.

The debate was wearing me out. Once you've posed that question, it won't go away. I think many people kill themselves simply to stop the debate about whether they will or they won't. Anything I thought or did was immediately drawn into the debate. Made a stupid remark—why not kill myself? Missed the bus—better put an end to it all. Even the good got in there. I liked that movie—maybe I shouldn’t kill myself.

In reality, it was only part of myself I wanted to kill: the part that wanted to kill herself, that dragged me into the suicide debate and made every window, kitchen implement, and subway station a rehearsal for tragedy."
— Susanna Kaysen

"I know what it's like to want to die. How it hurts to smile. How you try to fit in but you can't. How you hurt yourself on the outside to try to kill the thing on the inside."
— Susanna Kaysen

"I had an inspiration once. I woke up one morning and I knew that it was my task to swallow fifty asprin.It was my task:my job for the day.-17 Girl Interrupted"
— Susanna Kaysen (Girl, Interrupted)

"Actually, it was only part of myself I wanted to kill: the part that wanted to kill herself, that dragged me into the suicide debate and made every window, kitchen implement, and subway station a rehearsal for tragedy."
— Susanna Kaysen (Girl, Interrupted)

"Don't separate the mind from the body. Don't separate even character - you can't. Our unit of existence is a body, a physical, tangible, sensate entity with perceptions and reactions that express it and form it simultaneously.
Disease is one of our languages. Doctors understand what disease has to say about itself. It's up to the person with the disease to understand what the disease has to say to her. "
— Susanna Kaysen

"We say that Columbus discovered America and Newton discovered gravity, as though America and gravity weren't there until Columbus and Newton got wind of them."
— Susanna Kaysen (Girl, Interrupted)

"The debate was wearing me out. Once you've posed that question, it won't go away. I think many
people kill themselves simply to stop the debate about whether they will or they won't.
Anything I thought or did was immediately drawn into the debate. Made a stupid remark--why not kill
myself? Missed the bus--better put an end to it all. Even the good got in there. I liked that movie--maybe
I shouldn't kill myself."
— Susanna Kaysen

"What is it about meter and cadence and rhythm that makes their makers mad?"
— Susanna Kaysen (Girl, Interrupted)

"It's a fairly accurate portrait of me at eighteen, minus a few quirks like reckless driving and eating binges. It's accurate but it isn't profound."
— Susanna Kaysen (Girl, Interrupted)

"I am not a nurse escorting six lunatics to the ice cream parlor."
— Susanna Kaysen

"The girl at her music sits in another sort of light,the fitful,overcast light of lie,by which we see ourselves and others only imprefectly, and seldom..-Girl,Interrupted"
— Susanna Kaysen (Girl, Interrupted)

"Being crasy doesn't mean to be broken...It is you and me amplified", Girl, Interrupted"
— Susanna Kaysen

"This behavior may...counteract feelings of'numbness'and depersonalization that aries duriing periods of extreme stress.-153 Girl,Interrupted"
— Susanna Kaysen (Girl, Interrupted)

"Every window on Alcatraz has a view of San Francisco."
— Susanna Kaysen (Girl, Interrupted)

"Twenty aspirin, a little slit alongside the veins of the arm, maybe even a bad half hour standing on a roof: We've all had those. And somewhat more dangerous things, like putting a gun in your mouth. But you put it there, you taste it, it's cold and greasy, your finger is on the trigger, and you find that a whole world lies between this moment and the moment you've been planning, when you'll pull the trigger. That world defeats you. You put the gun back in the drawer. You'll have to find another way."
— Susanna Kaysen (Girl, Interrupted)

"Confuse was the nurses' word for abuse."
— Susanna Kaysen (Girl, Interrupted)

"How the fuck else am I going to get any attention in this place?"
Lisa always called the hospital 'this place."
— Susanna Kaysen