Obama: All Religions Are Equal…But Some Are More Equal Than Others…..[Satire]

Canada Free Press/ Willian Kevin Stoos

The recent turmoil in the Middle East, the assassination of our ambassador to Libya and three other of our fellow Americans, the rise of militant Islam and the President’s attempts to clarify the Obama Doctrine on Religion in the World led the President to make an urgent call this week. He needed to clarify the position of his administration on the subject of religion, and when the President needed to put the word out, there was only one person to call.

The man who walks with kings and princes, the man named Most Trusted Reporter of World Events 2012 by MSNBC and Most Admired Conservative Reporter, 2012 by the Ed Show—Hugh Betcha, Ace Reporter and Head of the Stoos Views Media Conglomerate Religious Affairs Bureau, U.S.  

The President seemed a little nervous as he invited his close friend, Hugh, into the Oval Office and beckoned him to sit in Hugh’s favorite leather chair next to the President’s desk, as the President puffed on a Marlboro and wolfed down a Big Mac hurriedly. “Don’t tell Michelle please,” he asked the reporter, “she is on this stupid healthy foods kick,” Obama winked. “Truth be told she sneaks a Whopper or two herself under cover of darkness. Sends out the Secret Service for them, you know,” Obama winked. “Look at her rear and, well….”

Then the two settled in for business. Hugh, unafraid to ask the tough questions as always wasted no time.

“’Piss Christ’—taxpayers paid thousands of dollars to some weirdo who peed in a bottle and inserted a crucifix—the holiest of symbols for Christians everywhere—and it has been resurrected recently, God only knows why. How does your policy apply to this situation? “

“Easy, that is art, pure and simple. That is why the taxpayers paid for it—so the public could enjoy it. Far be it from me to interfere with any artist in this country. Free expression and all that.”

“ What about the future must not belong to those who would insult the Prophet of Islam—does that hold true for those who insult the Savior of the Christians? “
“Well, no….”

“Should the “artist” who peed on Jesus and stuck Him in a bottle be arrested just as the man who produced the cheesy film insulting the Prophet was? “
“Of course not…there is a big difference. “

“Which is?”

“Christians do not riot and kill people when someone pees on their Savior; however, we must be sensitive to the fact that, had someone peed on the Prophet, the Islamists would go ballistic. Don’t you see the logic? “

“No.”

“—well, it is simple—we do not want to offend anyone, that is the test.”

“ You mean offend the Islamists?”

“ Well… yes, they seem more sensitive and we must honor their feelings.”

“And the coverup of “IHS” on the wall of the church at Georgetown—Jesus’ name in Greek is IHS you understood that when you ordered it covered up with black plywood right?”

“ Well, once again, we do not want to offend anyone. Just imagine if I, the President of the United States gave a speech in front of the name Jesus—well, my word, a lot of folks would be offended by that. They might think we are a Christian nation or something.”

“Who would be offended by the image of Jesus’ name above your head? “

“Well, the Islamists of course. They might think I was a Christian or that the country was Christian. I am trying my best to bring peace to the region. Imagine if the radical Islamists thought I was a Christian. They might take that as an insult to the Prophet.”

“And bowing to the Muslim King of Saudi Arabia on your Groveling Tour—wassup with that? “

“There again, he, being Keeper of the Holy Places and a revered Muslim leader, I must show respect and prove that America is nothing special—just another nation among nearly 200 in the world. Bowing to the Muslim King is most appropriate and I thought kissing his hand was a nice touch too. Had I been able to bend over—which was not possible at the time since I threw out my lower back playing B-Ball with the boys—I would have kissed his shoes too but could not pull it off.”

“ Who says that the President of the United States must grovel before any religious leader?”

“ It is the Obama Doctrine, pure and simple. You know, kowtow to lesser countries who are not superpowers, act like we are one of many and nothing exceptional and the world will love us. Especially since I am President—being born Muslim and all you know.”

“So lemme recap, Mr. President will you?  Lessee—covering up Jesus’ name when you speak somewhere—okay? “

“Yup.”

“Paying taxpayer dollars to cover Jesus in urine—okay? “

“Check. “

“ Making a cheesy film insulting the Prophet of Islam not okay? “

“Of course, the future must not belong to those who insult the Prophet. We found a way to arrest that SOB.”

“Kissing Muslim Kings and bowing to them—okay?”

“ Of course, elevates us in the world of public opinion.”

“ Declaring that we are not a Christian nation—okay? “

“10-4. We are not a Christian nation and I do not want anyone to think for a moment we are.”

“Damning the United States from the pulpit of a black liberation Church that you attended—okay?”

“Of course we have free speech here in the United States in case you missed that—provided of course that the speech is not offensive to certain groups. “

“Like the Islamists? “

“Well… “

“How about ordering Catholic hospitals or other Catholic employers to offer sterilization and abortion services to their employees under the HHS insurance mandate? Any problems forcing Catholics to violate their own religious beliefs?”

“ Nope, the right to abortion is far more sacrosanct that the right to religion. “

“Says who?”

“ Says me—and as President I get to make those kind of decisions.”

“ How about ordering Muslims to eat pork—okay with that?”

“ Nope, far too offensive to Islam and might cause a riot.”

“I understood you are considering an offer to speak at Notre Dame again is there any truth to that? “

“Well, we might; but only if they cover up Touchdown Jesus….”

“How do you feel about telephone poles, Mr. President?”

“ Well, we are studying that issue now as you know. “

“And why?”

“Well driving down the highway I noticed that some look like crosses and, someone might be offended. And also, a lot of folks I noticed are wearing crucifixes outside their clothing for all to see. Then there are those crosses on top of some churches, in plain view, and…..”